I’ve got guts and you’re going to see them.

What are you grateful for?

I returned from NYC on January 2, 2020 to find that, while my car was still in the Megabus parking lot, my license plates were not. Okay, that’s not entirely true. I only realized the plates were missing after I had driven the 30-some miles home and took my dogs for a walk. That’s when I saw the naked hind end of my little car.

It occurred to me how odd being pulled over would have been.

Two days later I would sit on my sister’s couch and celebrate my niece’s fourth birthday while watching my can’t-get-out-of-their-own-way Buffalo Bills do their best to not get in the playoffs. This surprised many people.

I was not one of them.

I woke up Monday morning to find that I had a sore throat. A trip to the doctor would confirm I had strep. My total days of hastily made sub plans was now 3, and none of them were spent on fun days at the beach, mountains or even a staycation downtown.

Read the textbook and answer questions, students. #SickTeacherLife

It’s easy to see that, for me, the beginning of this “Whole New Decade” (as trademarked on all social media) was going a lot like the last one: Not. To. Plan.

Good. I’m glad. Bring it.

 

Queen Me

Maybe it’s because I keep getting older. Maybe it’s because there’s no other choice but to move forward.

Maybe it’s denial.

Whatever it is, I am confident that this typical bad luck start to the new year is not the fortuneteller of doom. I truly believe that 2020 and beyond is going to be good for me and to me. Because this is the start of me following my gut.

I have one, you know. And while it’s most visible after eating enough sushi to feed a college crew of six, I’m talking about the invisible part – the speaking part. It’s the part that I’ve been ignoring for far too long.

You wouldn’t know it from this website or my Instagram account, but I am always spitting out ideas. There are glimmers of writing topics, titles for podcasts, half-written TV (streaming?) pilots, and themed epic parties floating around in my fast-forward thinking brain. My gut is ALWAYS talking to me. It keeps me up at night. My gut knows that I can accomplish so many things. And I just pretend that it’s chatting crazy.

I have talked myself out of a lot of ideas that I had because I didn’t trust myself. That’s a hard thing to write and throw out there for people to see. But there it is. I have spent the majority of my life not trusting myself.

Don’t read into this wrong: I have accomplished a LOT. I own my home and car. I have graduated both undergraduate and graduate school. I have taught the future of America for 14 years now. The countries I have set foot in are well into double digits. Paychecks have come to me from both writing and travel. Each of these accomplishments is a trophy of my hard work and determination.

As long as it’s safe.

 

20190929_154308

Looking around, I can admit the majority of what I have done has been on the safer side of the word “try.” It may not look that way to many of the people that know me, but I know it to be true. That’s the difference in seeing a person’s life and living it.

The big attempts, the true chances, the dreams and goals my gut chews on have been consistently pushed to the “do NOT” pile because I don’t believe in myself, trust myself or push myself.

So I’ve tired myself. And I am exhausted with the effort to not try and the constant refrain of “no” that I speak to my gut. This is the first step. Well, second – I posted a story on my Instagram today. Today I started following my gut instead of shutting it down.

What could just B more true?


What about you? What are you doing in this new decade?

Sexy Sprinkles

3 comments

  1. nice start for the new year. Nice approach, good pictures. Almost drives me to get involved. Interesting friends and writers and interview personnel. Don’t hesitate to discuss your travels. Being part of Baltimore is the fun of returning home from a good or bad trip.

    Like

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